


now i'm a stranger

by xol (firetruck)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, OT12 - Freeform, Other, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 21:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7861582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firetruck/pseuds/xol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone burns out eventually. Luhan just does a marginally better job of hiding it. (As a therapist, his job is to seem well adjusted even if he's not, so he's had a lot of practice over the years.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. sunday

“This is crazy. We’re like, not even awake yet.” Luhan groans, running his hands through his bedhead and trailing behind Minseok as he gathers his things by the armful and stalks out the door. 

“Come back,” he urges. “I will make you an espresso or something.” 

Minseok turns his head momentarily, a frown of exasperation etched onto his face.

“No, Luhan.” 

“Wait! Wait, come on!”   
  
“No! No, I can’t do this anymore.” 

Luhan runs after Minseok, bare feet slapping against the hot asphalt. He’s still in his pajamas and feeling groggy from being up so early, but the effects of sleep slowly wear off as he chases after Minseok. 

“Minseok, wait,” he calls out, “Don’t.”

Minseok stops, already at the bottom of the stairs. Sighing, he shifts the lamp in the crook of his arm and stares pointedly at him. 

“If you could even begin to examine yourself the way you examine everyone else, be that analytical…no, judgmental—that’s the word—“  
  
Luhan winces, opening his mouth to correct him before closing it once more. 

“—well then, maybe we could get somewhere.” His voice softens and Luhan swears there’s a spark of hope in his eyes. 

“Why don’t you just, for like, one minute, just come back inside and I’ll…” 

Minseok frowns again. 

“No, Luhan. Goodbye.” 

He watches Minseok walk further and further away from him, barely noticing the heat searing into his feet and the sprinklers of the apartment complex turning on until he’s soaked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short series based on the music video of "i wanna get better" by bleachers.


	2. monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baekhyun has a special talent for getting on people's nerves.

Yixing is at the front desk today. He’s playing with a rainbow slinky when Luhan shows up, coffee cup in one hand and briefcase in the other. Luhan stands there for three minutes, waiting for Yixing to look up, before he sets his cup down and snaps his fingers. Yixing looks up.

“Dr. Lu! Good morning. How was your weekend?” 

“Fine. Where’s Jongdae?” 

Yixing looks at him blankly. 

“Your colleague? The other recep—never mind. Who do I have today?” 

“Baekhyun’s first,” Yixing swiftly replies, and Luhan groans. “He’s waiting in your office.” 

Picking up his coffee cup, Luhan downs the rest of it in a swift gulp and tosses it into the trashcan behind Yixing. 

It’s going to be a long week.

* * *

Baekhyun jumps into a monologue the minute Luhan steps into his office. 

“Han! You will not BELIEVE what I did this weekend! Okay so, on Friday night I…” 

Luhan filters the jumbled mass of words spilling from Baekhyun’s mouth as he sets his case down, adjusts his suit, and fishes out his clipboard and favorite pen. By the time he’s taken a seat in his chair, Baekhyun is still rambling, legs jittering on the couch. He’s convinced that Baekhyun doesn’t really care about therapy at all—he just likes hearing himself speak. 

It’s easy to ignore Baekhyun. He doesn’t really expect many answers, so Luhan goes on autopilot, nodding politely and jotting down notes. 

Baekhyun first came into his office about a month ago. He was only supposed to attend one session, but he ended up staying and not leaving after gushing about how great of a listener Luhan was. Two weeks later, he spilled the beans about how he only started coming because he lost a game of rock paper scissors between him and his friends. The next week, he admitted his parents signed him up. The week after that, it was something different altogether.

Since then, Luhan had learned to take everything Baekhyun said with a grain of salt. Sometimes, an entire handful. But every lie was based on a kernel of truth, so he continued to sift through Baekhyun’s stories for that bit of truth. 

“You know, sometimes I wish you would say something. Like, anything.”

Baekhyun’s voice interrupts Luhan’s reverie, and his pen stops moving. A silence settles over the room, something that hasn’t happened since Baekhyun showed up. Luhan runs a hand through his hair and glances down at his clipboard. 

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to be telling me about…your friend’s personal life.”

“Except that.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Who else would I tell? Secrets are so hard to keep. But it’s not like you have anyone to tell, so it’s fine.” 

Luhan knows he means the patient-doctor confidentiality papers they both pretended to read a month ago, yet he can’t help the bitter feeling that rises to his chest. 


	3. monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tao is the number one reason luhan buys a new pack of tissues every month

“For the past year, my boyfriend..and you…have been telling me that I’ve been creating drama needlessly. But it’s not true!” 

Luhan rubs his temples at Tao’s shrill voice. He nods as Tao sits on the far edge of the couch, clutching a stack of photos and a tissue to dab at his puffy eyes. 

“Like, why would you guys say that? Why would you put me in that situation? You know I’m uncomfortable, you know I’m not happy, you know I’m trying…” 

Luhan struggles to keep up with Tao’s rapid fire accusations and manage his headache at the same time. “Drama Queen” is an understatement, he thinks snidely to himself. Tao has attempted to stir up drama several times over the past year, even going as far as messing with Jongdae and Yixing. He had quickly gotten bored with them and fessed up, seeing as the situation he created didn’t exactly revolve around him at all. 

“These photos,” he hears Tao screech, “prove that I’M NOT CRAZY!!” He flings the stack of pictures in Luhan’s general direction and draws in a ragged breath. “HE’S CHEATING ON ME!”

The headache hammers at Luhan’s head as he collects the fallen photos and grows stronger as Tao cries on his couch, wailing into his hands. 


	4. tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongin gets another dog

“My parents gave me this dog when they found out I was diagnosed with depression,” Jongin starts. “It’s a depression dog,” he finishes lamely. The dog is curled up on his lap, napping away. 

“Does he help?”

“I don’t know. I think he’s depressed too,” Jongin says worriedly. Then he bites his lip. “Maybe I should get another dog?” 

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Luhan begins, but cuts himself off once he sees the crestfallen look on his face. 

Jongin was a sweet, quiet man when Luhan met him. He’s still sweet and still quiet, but Luhan has begun to unravel his story, little by little, dog by dog. Jongin lives in his own little world, where there’s only space for music, his dogs, and on good days, Luhan. On bad days, Jongin is Kai, and there’s no space for anything or anyone in Kai’s world. Luhan’s halfway convinced Jongin purposely adopts old dogs so he can work himself into a frenzy over their health and have an excuse to lock himself in his room for an entire week when they die. Luhan suspects he spends his time thinking about dogs and music so he doesn’t have to think about how he’s burning out in his early twenties. 

“I’ve been working on a new dance routine,” Jongin says after a moment of silence. 

Luhan nods and watches as Jongin (or Kai?) dances wildly on the couch to invisible music while his new dog jumps on Luhan’s clipboard and goes to sleep.


	5. tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> according to sehun, luhan is a stupid dickface

Luhan stares at the sullen youth sitting on his couch. Sharp eyes under a mop of faded, dyed hair stare back at him. Sehun crosses his arms and sinks further into the couch. 

“How are you feeling today, Sehun? Anything interesting happen over the weekend?” He smiles, the one that makes parents trust him and believe he can fix their kid. 

Sehun kicks his feet up on the coffee table. Luhan doodles something in the margin of his notes. 

Two weeks ago, Sehun was dragged into his office by his concerned parents. Mr. and Mrs. Oh were very nice people, but they had no idea how to deal with Sehun. He was quiet, brooding, angry all the time, they said. They hardly ever saw him anymore—he was cooped up in his room all the time. He just needs someone to talk to, they pressed. Luhan had smiled and handed them a stack of papers to fill out. 

“Have you ever…thought about what problems you’re really dealing with?” 

“Maybe my problem is that you’re such a stupid dickface.”

Luhan nods, scrawling the words down on his clipboard. “Luhan is a stupid dickface” glares up at him. He couldn’t have put it better himself. 

“No one gets it,” Sehun seethes. “I’m not a kid, I’m in high school. I don’t need my parents hovering around me all the time. I can take care of myself. I don’t need a stupid therapist. I just…I just..” 

Luhan nods again, indicating for him to go on. Sehun’s face is flushed and he sits up, eyes darting around the room. They land on the table besides the couch, and he picks up the vase sitting on it. His face is contorted into a frown, and he looks like he’s trying not to cry. Luhan stands up, and Sehun smashes the vase with a scream on the coffee table, sending pottery flying all over the room. 

It’s the third time this has happened, Luhan muses as he calls Yixing in to clean up the mess. 

The only thing that’s changed about Sehun in three weeks is his hair color. 


	6. wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suho completely destroys the point of luhan's counseling sessions

“Waiting until I get dressed and then putting on the same thing is not fixing yourself.” Junmyeon snips, staring straight ahead. Kris sits next to him, looking like a kicked puppy. 

“I’m going through an art block,” he stresses. “It’s just an artistic slump.”

“Really? One that’s lasted an entire year?” 

Kris shuts up and stares at his hands. Luhan scribbles something down. 

Couples don’t normally come to him for counseling. And really, it was just Kris in the beginning, but Junmyeon had insisted on sitting in and somewhere along the line it became a couples therapy session. To Luhan, it felt more like ‘Junmyeon tries to counsel Kris while Luhan watches and writes things down in his notebook’ sessions. Which sort of defeats the purpose of Kris coming here. 

Junmyeon was also constantly trying to peek at Luhan’s notes, much to his annoyance. If he could read the chicken scratch, he would’ve blown a fuse at Luhan’s markings of his “control issues”. 

Today, Luhan notes that Junmyeon is wearing a neatly pressed baby blue button up with dark slacks. Kris is wearing the exact same thing, except his shirt is a darker color. Luhan presses his lips together as Junmyeon shoots him a look that says _do something,_ feeling a little miffed because Junmyeon continues to treat him like he’s the doctor’s assistant. 

“Kris,” Luhan begins, folding his hands in his lap, “Have you ever tried to communicate with Junmyeon more instead of just following him?”

Kris opens his mouth but Junmyeon beats him to it. 

“Never! I always tell him to speak up, but then he just looks at me like I’ve grown two heads! It’s like he’s from another galaxy and can’t understand what I’m saying sometimes.” 

“You’re the one who’s always interrupting me,” Kris mumbles, voice rumbling in his chest and coming out staticky from disuse. 

“Excuse me?” Junmyeon turns his head around so fast Luhan is surprised it doesn’t hurt. He picks up his pen and watches Junmyeon silently fume for a few seconds. 

“You never let me gather my thoughts,” Kris drawls, looking down at his hands, and Junmyeon’s eye twitches. Luhan can see the twitch from the other side of the room. He bends down to write something in his notebook, and by the time he returns to the couple on his couch, Junmyeon is whisper-yelling and Kris is trying to wrench the wedding ring off his left hand. 

“You’re impossible!” Someone shouts, and Luhan can’t tell who it is. 


	7. lunch break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yixing imparts wisdom

“What am I even doing with my life?” Luhan lies on his own couch as Yixing busies himself with tidying the room. The beige walls are comforting, reassuring. 

“Minseok left me,” he goes on when Yixing doesn’t say anything. He’s probably not listening anyways. “He said to get better. Stop being an asshole. Same thing.” 

He rolls over onto his side and watches Yixing dust his chair.

“We had something good going. I don’t even know what I did, but I fucked it up.” 

“Language,” Yixing chides, but it’s more of a reflex than an indication he’s actually paying attention. 

“I’m lonely,” he admits. “I’m supposed to be a therapist, but I suck. I can’t even manage my own life. How am I supposed to help other people?” 

“You’re human,” Yixing says, and Luhan sits up. 

“I’m burning out,” Luhan wheezes, suddenly afraid. 

“We all burn out. But we don’t have to stay burnt out.” 

“Why aren’t you a therapist?” Luhan wonders aloud. 

Yixing smiles and wanders out of the room. 

“Find yourself a lighter, Luhan,” he calls out, voice fading. 


	8. wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> luhan plays doctor

Kyungsoo is glaring at him again. The boy sits straight up on the couch, hands in his laps, and silently stares. He’s sat in silence for an entire session once until Luhan got up at the end and ushered him out the door, saying something about having made good progress.

“Kyungsoo.”   
  
“Dr. Lu.”   
  
Luhan doesn’t bother correcting him anymore. 

“How have you been?” Luhan discovered Kyungsoo doesn’t speak unless spoken to the second week he arrived. 

He also discovered that Kyungsoo is excellent at sitting still and not moving for extended periods of time, much like a statue. He also knows that Kyungsoo has extremely strict parents who don’t believe in seeing counselors, which is why his uncle drives him to sessions instead. 

“How many fingers am I holding up?” 

Luhan jots something down in his book when Kyungsoo bites his lip and doesn’t respond. 

“We’re making good progress, Kyungsoo.” 


	9. thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> according to chanyeol, yixing is an alien

Luhan has never seen Chanyeol. Well, he has once, when he had to check his ID. But that was a year ago, and the memory is fuzzy in his head. He walks around his office, drawing the blinds shut and dimming the lights to a low glow. After sitting in the dark for twenty minutes, his door creaks open to reveal someone standing in the doorway. The man is tall, extremely so, with gangly limbs hanging awkwardly by his side and two large ears protruding out of his head. It’s Chanyeol. 

“Come in,” he says, and Chanyeol shuffles into the room, closing the door behind him. He walks around the room, re-checking the blinds and windows before sidling up to Luhan and exchanging a complicated handshake. Finally, he sits down on the couch, draping himself across it. 

“Sorry I’m late again,” he starts, voice muffled by the face mask he wears. “Had to make sure it was safe.” 

Luhan knows it takes Chanyeol at least an hour to make the twenty minute trip down to his office, and he knows the complicated handshake is his way of making sure that Luhan hasn’t gotten his brain messed with by aliens—or worse, been replaced completely. The windows are locked and the blinds are drawn so no one can peek in on their weekly sessions, and the lights are dimmed so he can’t be recognized. 

The first time Luhan had met Chanyeol, he was wearing a gigantic black face mask with equally large tinted sunglasses. His long hair was swept into a messy ponytail and his hands were covered with gloves as he forked over his ID to the front desk so they could make sure Chanyeol wasn’t some wanted criminal. 

Since then, Luhan has never seen Chanyeol in the light. They meet in darkness, because he insists it’s safer for them both. Chanyeol is convinced aliens are real, conspiring with the illuminati, and that he blacks out while they take samples of his brain. 

“I was sleeping on the couch once,” he had said, “and when I woke up I was in my bed. I don’t remember walking to my bed. One of my handlers must have moved me. Or worse, made me do something I can’t remember!” 

Chanyeol is also convinced many of his friends are part of the illuminati and refer to them as his “handlers”. 

“They’re so easy to trick,” he had chuckled once. “One flash of this smile and they’re completely reassured. But I’m onto them. They think I don’t know, but I do.” 

Chanyeol also never makes eye contact because he insists that’s how they get into your head. Luhan vaguely recalls Chanyeol looking to the side in his ID photo. 

“You’re the only one I trust, Luhan,” he insists. Luhan leans forward—it’s kind of hard to hear him through the mask. 

“Why is that, Chanyeol?” He squints to see his notes. 

“Because I can’t trust myself!” Chanyeol’s voice rises several octaves. “They’ve gotten me already, I know they have. My eyes! They’re bigger. They must have gotten me while I was sleeping. Sometimes I wake up and things have been moved. How is that possible? I couldn’t have done it—I was asleep!” 

Luhan nods, making some noise of affirmation when he remembers they’re in the dark. 

Chanyeol lowers his voice.

“I think your receptionist is part of it,” he confides. 

“Yixing?” Luhan scrunches his forehead up in thought. 

“Yes, him! You need to replace him, or it’ll be dangerous for me to keep coming here.” 

Luhan makes a note to switch Yixing’s shift with Jongdae’s. 

“Got it. Will do.”

The couch sags as Chanyeol leans back on it. 

“You’re the best, Luhan.”


	10. friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongdae has no tact

Luhan has this Friday off, but he comes in anyways. To do paperwork, he tells himself, but it's really to avoid spending more time in his apartment than necessary. He can't help but notice everything that's been missing since the beginning of this week. The lamp, the stapler, the extra books on his shelf. It's depressing, really. 

Jongdae lets out a low whistle as he walks in. 

"Damn, Luhan. Your eyebags are almost as big as Tao's." 

"Leave me alone," he mutters, waving him out, but Jongdae doesn't budge. 

"You need some help," he hears. 

"You idiot, I _am_ the help." 

Jongdae lets out a cackle and dodges the wad of paper thrown at him as he ducks out the door quickly. 

"Switch shifts with Yixing next Thursday and every Thursday from now on," he yells after him, fully aware of how much Jongdae hated schedule changes. He hears his whining all the way down the hall and hunches back over his papers, satisfied. 


	11. saturday

Luhan rolls out of bed, grumbling and running his hands through his bedhead. He stares at himself in the bathroom, the light flickering and casting a shadow across his face. Taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes.

“This is crazy,” he mutters to himself. “I’m like, not even awake yet.”

He cleans himself up, switches his pajamas for a shirt and jeans, and grabs his phone. 

He dials a number he knows by heart, and Minseok picks up on the third ring, like he always does.

“I’m coming over--please don't lock me out.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end notes on luhan's patients for anyone who might be confused:  
> -baekhyun is a pathological liar and just really likes to listen to himself talk  
> -tao has trust issues and eats drama for breakfast  
> -jongin has depression, attempts to self medicate, and has minor episodes as kai  
> -sehun is an emotionally stunted and moody teenager  
> -suho has control issues  
> -kris is dependent  
> -kyungsoo needs glasses and has minor social anxiety  
> -chanyeol is delusional and sleepwalks but mostly harmless
> 
> -yixing is fine, mostly, he's just an extreme space case  
> -jongdae is an ass


End file.
